Sunday, July 30, 2006
The other day our daughter, who lives with us and rents out her home, suggested that our towels were getting ragged and needed to be replaced. She went on to say, “You should have nice towels.” I responded that we have nice towels – we just don’t use them for every day. She retorted with incredulity, ‘You should use the good towels. You deserve it”. I was taken aback. I had never considered that my every day practices were a matter of “deserving” better. Mind you – her comments were not ill advised. She was right. Our towels are tattered but we have nice towels which hang in the bathroom and are the ones that guests to our home see. Otherwise, for every day use, we use our old ragged towels that still work. Since when does a tattered towel make a statement as to ones feeling of “self worth”?
This exchange with my daughter caused me to ponder the different perspectives of our generations. When I was growing up, I was taught to appreciate that which I had and not to expect the “luxuries” of life. Mind you – among the “luxuries” that I was not to expect were small items like electricity, a bathroom (Yes we had an old fashioned out house), a fine car. You see, we lived on a farm and my father, a not too successful farmer, did not have the money to install the modern necessities that were becoming available as I was growing up. We did not use credit. We paid for everything as we purchased it and if we couldn’t afford something, we did not have it. When rural electricity became available, we did not have the money to have the house wired, thus we did not do it. We did not owe anyone anything and we purchased only that which we had the money available to buy. We could not afford to modernize the house with an inside bathroom and certainly without electricity we did not have refrigeration, my mother cooked with a wood stove and our winter heat was provided by wood and coal. During World War II my father went to work in a defense industry and then, a car was purchased to provide transportation to and from work. For the first time in my lifetime, we actually had “spendable” income. Shortly after the war my mother was diagnosed with cancer and the small “nest egg” that my parents had accumulated was quickly used to pay the mounting medical bills.
In spite of the near poverty status of my youth, no one ever left the house without clean, freshly ironed clothes (ironed with irons heated on the cooking stove while meals were prepared) and the thought of a worn or frayed garment was absolutely taboo. I can still remember my mother exclaiming the necessity to change our clothes before we took a brief drive to visit a nearby relative. The very thought of a possible accident in which someone might notice that a member of our family had a worn or torn garment was prohibited. Mother would exclaim, “what if there is an accident?”
Today our citizenry wear hardly enough clothes to cover up the “details” of their body parts or wear clothes that seem at least four sizes too big (or too small depending on the time of day). Yet, they acclaim that they should have only the very latest technology from which to listen to their music, the very latest in television reception, the very best of refreshments (sodas, alcoholic, expresso or whatever) the latest model car and of course, the most idyllic vacation get away that a credit card can afford. Yet, when the credit card bills come in to be paid, they do not know where the money went. Give me a break. Some among us have their priorities askew. Is it me with my tattered towels or is the younger generation who has not figured out what is important?
Our children and grandchildren seem to have lost sight (or never learned) that life is a series of choices based on priorities. Every small sacrifice that I make reflects my priorities and choice. As long as I am able to achieve the proper end result, what does it matter whether I use a fifteen dollar towel or one with a hole that is barely noticeable?
Where did we go wrong when we raised our children? Were we so anxious to give them only the best of life that we neglected to teach them the value of life? Our daughter makes reasonable choices – she makes decisions that reflect good sense – but I was puzzled that she should think that our use of a worn towel reflected less than our sense of “value” or self esteem. That just seemed odd to me. No one owes me anything and my self worth is what I see it as. No more – no less.
This exchange with my daughter caused me to ponder the different perspectives of our generations. When I was growing up, I was taught to appreciate that which I had and not to expect the “luxuries” of life. Mind you – among the “luxuries” that I was not to expect were small items like electricity, a bathroom (Yes we had an old fashioned out house), a fine car. You see, we lived on a farm and my father, a not too successful farmer, did not have the money to install the modern necessities that were becoming available as I was growing up. We did not use credit. We paid for everything as we purchased it and if we couldn’t afford something, we did not have it. When rural electricity became available, we did not have the money to have the house wired, thus we did not do it. We did not owe anyone anything and we purchased only that which we had the money available to buy. We could not afford to modernize the house with an inside bathroom and certainly without electricity we did not have refrigeration, my mother cooked with a wood stove and our winter heat was provided by wood and coal. During World War II my father went to work in a defense industry and then, a car was purchased to provide transportation to and from work. For the first time in my lifetime, we actually had “spendable” income. Shortly after the war my mother was diagnosed with cancer and the small “nest egg” that my parents had accumulated was quickly used to pay the mounting medical bills.
In spite of the near poverty status of my youth, no one ever left the house without clean, freshly ironed clothes (ironed with irons heated on the cooking stove while meals were prepared) and the thought of a worn or frayed garment was absolutely taboo. I can still remember my mother exclaiming the necessity to change our clothes before we took a brief drive to visit a nearby relative. The very thought of a possible accident in which someone might notice that a member of our family had a worn or torn garment was prohibited. Mother would exclaim, “what if there is an accident?”
Today our citizenry wear hardly enough clothes to cover up the “details” of their body parts or wear clothes that seem at least four sizes too big (or too small depending on the time of day). Yet, they acclaim that they should have only the very latest technology from which to listen to their music, the very latest in television reception, the very best of refreshments (sodas, alcoholic, expresso or whatever) the latest model car and of course, the most idyllic vacation get away that a credit card can afford. Yet, when the credit card bills come in to be paid, they do not know where the money went. Give me a break. Some among us have their priorities askew. Is it me with my tattered towels or is the younger generation who has not figured out what is important?
Our children and grandchildren seem to have lost sight (or never learned) that life is a series of choices based on priorities. Every small sacrifice that I make reflects my priorities and choice. As long as I am able to achieve the proper end result, what does it matter whether I use a fifteen dollar towel or one with a hole that is barely noticeable?
Where did we go wrong when we raised our children? Were we so anxious to give them only the best of life that we neglected to teach them the value of life? Our daughter makes reasonable choices – she makes decisions that reflect good sense – but I was puzzled that she should think that our use of a worn towel reflected less than our sense of “value” or self esteem. That just seemed odd to me. No one owes me anything and my self worth is what I see it as. No more – no less.
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