WHO IS MY FRIEND?? I felt grave concern recently when my niece told me that her husband has no friends. How could that be? My nephew has always seemed to me to be warm, friendly and outgoing. I was shocked. Yet, after some thought I realized that her comment had merit and that realization plagued me. I view friends as extended family. They are important to my psyche, my well being and provide me and my family strength in troubled times. As a result of this exchange with my niece, I asked myself, "What is friendship?" One has to be a friend to have friends. Friendship must be nurtured. We can have many acquaintances but that is not the same as friends. Acquaintances are people you know and who you greet casually e.g., "Hello there – how nice to see you", inquire about their health – "how have you been?" -- family – "how is the family?" Oh, you may even go so far as to say "let's do lunch" – especially if you live in or near Hollywood. Acquaintances are not people with whom we share interests, family stories, hobbies or with whom we wish to travel and do things just "for the hell of it". Acquaintances tend to come from working associates, may be a neighbor, someone from our church or even someone that we went to school with, met at a seminar or at a party. They are the people we meet, know slightly and share few, if any, mutual interests or bond. While these "chance" meetings can sometimes result in long term friendships of decades but it can result in a long term acquaintance. I am often perplexed when people refer to casual acquaintances as "friends". I often wonder if people who are quick to identify casual acquaintances as friends know what it is to be a friend. So, who are our friends? My friends are from various walks of life but none of my close friends are people that I have known less than five years – most go back at least 10 years and many are from my childhood though admittedly those friendships are maintained at considerable effort. I have my friends, my husband has his friends and we have our friends but in all cases they are all people with whom we both share mutual interests, hobbies, adventures and enjoy. His friends have become my friends and my friends have become his friends. Our relationships with each others friends are different. Nevertheless, they are friends in whom we have a vested interest. Our friends, his, mine and ours, are people that we invite into our home, like to share a meal with, enjoy good conversation and spirited discussions and whose company we take pleasure in. When our children were growing up, their children were our children's friends and vice versa. Our friends also enjoy our company and show it by reciprocating in kind. Although friendship may result from a chance meeting it is rare. Friends, like family, cannot be taken for granted. It seems to me that many of us, in this modern age of television, cars, entertainment availabilities and busy lifestyle have lost our ability to form good friendships. We have forgotten (some have never known) what it means to be and have a friend. We work all week long, our weekends are spent in preparing for the week to come and we covet our valuable quality family time. There is just not enough time to devote to developing friends. We have forgotten to stop and smell the roses or perhaps more aptly put, slow down and cultivate the art of friendship. It is as important to the development of our children as the quality time spent at the little league game or the dance ballet that we attend for little Johnny or Bonnie. Perhaps it is time we all form a new alliance and learned to be a friend.

I felt grave concern recently when my niece told me that her husband has no friends. How could that be?  My nephew has always seemed to me to be warm, friendly and outgoing.  I was shocked. Yet, after some thought I realized that her comment had merit and that realization plagued me.

 

I view friends as extended family.  They are important to my psyche, my well being and provide me and my family strength in troubled times.  As a result of this exchange with my niece, I asked myself, "What is friendship?" 

 

One has to be a friend to have friends.  Friendship must be nurtured.  We can have many acquaintances but that is not the same as friends.  Acquaintances are people you know and who you greet casually e.g., "Hello there – how nice to see you", inquire about their health – "how have you been?" -- family – "how is the family?"  Oh, you may even go so far as to say "let's do lunch" – especially if you live in or near Hollywood.  Acquaintances are not people with whom we share interests, family stories, hobbies or with whom we wish to travel and do things just "for the hell of it". Acquaintances tend to come from working associates, may be a neighbor, someone from our church or even someone that we went to school with, met at a seminar or at a party.  They are the people we meet, know slightly and share few, if any, mutual interests or bond. While these "chance" meetings can sometimes result in long term friendships of decades but it can result in a long term acquaintance. I am often perplexed when people refer to casual acquaintances as "friends".  I often wonder if people who are quick to identify casual acquaintances as friends know what it is to be a friend.   

 

So, who are our friends?  My friends are from various walks of life but none of my close friends are people that I have known less than five years – most go back at least 10 years and many are from my childhood though admittedly those friendships are maintained at considerable effort.  I have my friends, my husband has his friends and we have our friends but in all cases they are all people with whom we both share mutual interests, hobbies, adventures and enjoy.  His friends have become my friends and my friends have become his friends.  Our relationships with each others friends are different.  Nevertheless, they are friends in whom we have a vested interest. Our friends, his, mine and ours, are people that we invite into our home, like to share a meal with, enjoy good conversation and spirited discussions and whose company we take pleasure in.  When our children were growing up, their children were our children's friends and vice versa.  Our friends also enjoy our company and show it by reciprocating in kind.  Although friendship may result from a chance meeting it is rare.  Friends, like family, cannot be taken for granted. 

 

It seems to me that many of us, in this modern age of television, cars, entertainment availabilities and busy lifestyle have lost our ability to form good friendships.  We have forgotten (some have never known) what it means to be and have a friend.  We work all week long, our weekends are spent in preparing for the week to come and we covet our valuable quality family time.  There is just not enough time to devote to developing friends.  We have forgotten to stop and smell the roses or perhaps more aptly put, slow down and cultivate the art of friendship.  It is as important to the development of our children as the quality time spent at the little league game or the dance ballet that we attend for little Johnny or Bonnie.   Perhaps it is time we all form a new alliance and learned to be a friend.